Archive for the 'Humor' Category

The Golfer and the Lake

Hi Ladies –
I just ran across this funny video.

the next time you think about standing on the rocks by one of our lakes, and try to take that shot without having to call it an unplayable lie, remember this poor guy:

The Golfer and the Lake.

The video is also under “Videos – Just for Fun” on the right-side panel.

Enjoy!

Jan

Three-Putting the right way

Don’t you wish you could three-putt like this?

http://www.pinehurst.com/news/dont-you-wish-we-could-all-3-putt-like-this/

“Marking your ball” Rules quiz

Marking your ball quiz

Suzy’s and Mary’s balls lay in the fairway a few feet apart. Mary is away and before she makes her next stroke she asks Suzy to mark her ball as she thinks it might interfere with her play. Suzy marks her ball and lifts it.

Suzy incurs?

A two stroke penalty

A one stroke penalty

No penalty.

Same situation:

This time before Mary makes her stroke, Suzy asks Mary if she would like her to mark her ball and lift it. Mary says, “Yes I would, please do.” Suzy marks and lifts her ball.

Suzy incurs?

A two stroke penalty

A one stroke penalty

No penalty

Same situation:

Suzy sees her ball close to Mary’s and believes her ball is in Mary’s way and without asking Mary she marks it and lifts it.

Suzy incurs?

A two stroke penalty

A one stroke penalty

No penalty.

Well Suzy has been a busy gal marking and lifting all those balls, what were your answers?

First scenario: No penalty

Second scenario: No penalty

Third scenario: Sadly, nice “forward thinking” Suzy is penalized one stroke for lifting her ball without being asked. (Rule 18-2a)

Here’s the Rule that covers all this asking, lifting, and marking!

Rule 22-2. Except when a ball is in motion, if a player considers that another ball might interfere with their play, he may have it lifted. (A player may request a ball to be lifted if the ball interferes either physically or mentally with their play)

A ball lifted under this Rule must be replaced and must not be cleaned unless it is on the putting green.

NOTE 1: Except on the putting green a player may not lift their ball solely because he considers it might interfere with the play of another player. If he lifts his ball without being asked to do so he incurs a one stroke penalty.

The moral of this part of the story is, be courteous but wait to be ASKED!

One more for you………

Same time, same place Mary asks Suzy to lift her ball again! Suzy is so very tired of bending over and doing all this marking for Mary that she tells her, as nicely as she can, that she will play her ball first rather than marking it.

Suzy incurs?

A two stroke penalty

A one stroke penalty

No penalty

Actually kind, and very tired, Suzy gets no penalty.

Rule 22-2 also states that: In stroke play, a player required to lift his ball may play first rather than lift the ball.

Good news for some of us as these days bending over is getting harder and harder!

I hope this helps you.

Hilary

Rules scenarios for 3 pesky Discovery Bay golf holes

So no ladies play day eh? So whatcha gonna do? Read Rules of course!

Ladies:

Discovery Bay Country Club has 16 of its 18 holes where water can come into play, ouch! Many of our seasoned members know exactly how to follow the Rules of Golf when their ball goes into the water, but our newer members may not. What I want to do today is to go over three difficult areas on our course where you may be unsure of what to do, and try to make it as easy as possible for you to understand what you do next, apart from using bad words.

Every time your ball goes into the water the very FIRST thing you should do, and most importantly is,

Identify the place where your ball last crossed the margin of the hazard as accurately as you can, or estimate that point as honestly as you can. Sometimes at long distances the “exact” point is hard to establish. Be realistic and honest. This is your reference point for Rule 26.

Secondly. Identify what color the stakes are in the area where your ball took its nosedive into the water hazard.

Yellow stakes or yellow lines: A water hazard. Three options

Red stakes or red lines: A lateral water hazard. Five options

A lateral hazard is different from a water hazard by the fact that it is, well, lateral ! It runs alongside or adjacent to the line of play, rather than across it, and it is difficult to drop a ball behind.

Ladies please don’t get worried over all the “options”, it’s simpler than it sounds and I have included a link at the bottom of the page with an extremely informative video from the USGA on Water Hazards. It will be worth your while to check it out, and you won’t even get wet!

Here we go.

Difficult and often misunderstood scenario 1. Hole #2

You played your ball from the teeing ground and it went across the water and you were sure it was going onto the green but…..it landed on the grass bank in front of the green and bounced back into the water! Rats……………………….Now what?

Identify the point where your ball last crossed the hazard and went in

What color are the stakes? Yellow

Here on hole #2 it makes no difference that your ball touched land first. Your ball crossed the margin of the hazard at the yellow stakes and ended up in the water.

Options?

1. Play the ball as it lies, no penalty, you can’t swim or even see it, therefore not an option.

2. With your reference point of where the ball last crossed the hazard when it bounced back into the water go back as far as you like in line with the pin and drop a ball. You could possibly be up against the boundary fence, under a tree, or maybe on the men’s teeing ground. One penalty stroke

3. Play a ball from where you made your last stroke, the teeing ground.

Your smartest choice is playing a ball again from the teeing ground. Take a one stroke penalty and try again.

Difficult and often misunderstood scenario 2 Hole #11

You hit from the teeing ground, your ball sails across the water but hits the rocks lining the hazard alongside the cart path, and takes huge bounce backwards into the water. This time it did not touch land on the other side. Now what?

Identify where your ball last crossed the hazard.

No, no, not at the rocks where your ball hit them but at the rocks right in front of you

What color are the stakes? Red.

Options? Really only 4 of the 5** are possible at this place

1. Again no swimming ….so you can’t play it as it lies….

2. As the stakes are red you have the option of dropping a ball within two club lengths from where your ball last crossed the hazard. Okay it’s a possible choice, but watch out the grass can be long there! One penalty stroke.

3. As far back as you like in line with the pin. You might end up on the men’s tee box, and also it could be extremely difficult to estimate the line accurately. One penalty stroke.

4. Play a ball from where you made your last stroke, the teeing ground.

My choice? I’d take the teeing ground. Take a one stroke penalty, and try again.

Difficult and often misunderstood scenario 3 The dreaded hole #17.

This hole is tricky, nasty tricky.

Let’s use the scenario that you hit from the teeing ground, your ball lands on the green, it bounces to the right, and rolls over the pilings and plops into the water. Unlucky you!

You saw where your ball went in……………….. Great!

What color are the stakes? Yellow

Options?

1. Again, (are we tired of this yet?) no swimming to play the ball where it lies

2. Drop a ball in line with the pin as far back as you like, ….you are gonna be in the water, or on the 18th fairway. Neither a nice place.

3. So yes, you’ve got it………… Play a ball again from the teeing ground.

Take a one stroke penalty, and try again!

Now ladies, please check out this video link below

You can actually see how the options work, (**including the rarely used by us “opposite margin option” for a lateral water hazard) Our golf course it not set up in a way that we could use it to our advantage, so please don’t worry too much about this option.

Let’s keep playing here, and learning the Rules of Golf, as simply as possible.

Any questions? Just ask me or send me an e mail.

I hope this helps you,

Hilary

Kay Love Needs Her Balls!

Hi Ladies: First an introduction to our new members and then a new story for all you to enjoy.

Dear new DBWGC members:

Let me introduce you to some of our long time members whose exact names you may not yet know.

There is Kay “Love”, whose real name is Kay “Love to buy new clubs” Smith who is renowned for her passion for……..yes buying new clubs, and also for being there on ladies play days, when least expected, with her sage advice.

Mary “Long Drive” Watkins is obviously known for her long drives.

Joanne “Sure Shot ” Smith is known as an ace on the par threes.

Jeanne “Zoom Zoom ” Zwemer is the fastest cart driver bar-none.

Also on play days watch out for Sandy “Par” Smith, Lin “Launches it” Lenson, and Judy “Birdie” Bartoli.

There are other ladies who I am sure you will meet before too long, and I will e mail you some of their past adventures later this year.

Today to all our ladies, old and new, I would like to tell you the very latest Kay “Love” Smith story.

It was a while ago on our Points, Putts, and Low Net play day when Hilary “With Just One L”, our new member Sherry “Sinks ’em” Boyd, and Jan “No Tunnels” McCleery were playing with Kay “Love”. At the turn she dashed into the Pro Shop and a few minutes later came onto the 10th tee tightly clutching three sleeves of golf balls. Jan “No Tunnels” quietly handed her 6 one dollar bills and teed off. Wow you should have seen her drive, 20 yards further than ever before. Kay Love did the same; their balls soared way down the fairway. Every fairway on the back nine their balls flew past ours by 10 yards at least. On the green we tried to see what brand they were using but Kay Love wasn’t letting us get close. Their putting was better, and Kay Love had two, yes 2, chip ins!

At lunch I cornered her in the ladies locker room and, under pain of my divulging to everyone just how many sets of clubs she owned, I forced her to tell me what she was hiding. Was the Pro shop selling illegal golf balls that went further, gave her better ball control? I had to know.

“It’s really not a secret” she told me, “but I believe that I must have everything right so I can play well, and on the front nine my balls just weren’t fitting right.” As you can imagine, I burst out into half laughter, half astonishment, “Your balls weren’t fitting right,” I exclaimed, “whatever ever do you mean Kay “Love”?”

Kay “Love” then told me the truth……

“Not all balls are created equal and just as we should have the correct clubs fitted for our game, we should have the right ball too. Personally I prefer the Titleist DT Solos and that’s what I bought in the Pro shop at the turn. The Top flights I’d been playing were just too hard. I told Jan “No Tunnels” how much I liked the feel of them around the greens and, as she was having trouble putting, I let her into my secret which only cost her six bucks. Not to get too technical, but balls have different covers, a different number of layers and most importantly different compressions. We should all find the ball that works for us the best, fits our game. Golf is a game of confidence, and if you have confidence in your balls it goes a long way to improving your score.”

I still had to chuckle when she said that, and could not resist saying “But Kay Love they didn’t save you going in the water hazard on hole 17!”

“Yes, yes I know,” she said, “but it did help me win $18 for my two “chips ins”, and that paid for the balls right there. With a deep sigh she said sadly, “So now you know my secret, just how am I going to keep ahead of the competition now?”

As she was leaving the locker room I noticed that familiar gleam appear in her eye. I think yet another new set of clubs is her new secret plan. I’ll have to check her bag next time I play with her and maybe buy some DT Solo golf balls, if they fit me right!

Here are a couple of links you might find useful, I checked it out and actually I now play Titleist Tour Pro golf balls, and they fit me real well!

https://www.titleist.com/golf-ball-fitting

http://www.bridgestonegolf.com/product/ball-fitting

Hope this helps you.

Hilary

A recent Rules story

Zach Johnson Penalised After His Last Putt on 18th

12+05+Zach+Johnson.png

Many of you may have heard about Zach and his almost costly mistake last week. Here’s a good article about it and my tip for you at the bottom. Enjoy.

A common breach of Rules in Club golf is failing to replace a ball on the putting green where it had come to rest before being marked to the side, at the request of a fellow competitor who is putting on a similar line. However, it does not often happen following the very last putt by the tournament leader on the 18th green of the final day of a Tour event. That is exactly what happened to Zach Johnson on Sunday at the Crowne Plaza Invitational at Colonial, Fort Worth, Texas. Zach he put his second shot into a greenside bunker, splashing out to about five feet from the hole, where he marked his ball.Dufner was putting on a similar line and asked Johnson to mark his ball to the side, which he did. Dufner missed his putt but then holed out, so that his fellow competitor could take the limelight.

As Johnson stood over this putt to close out the tournament he must have been more relaxed, thinking that he had three putts to win. In fact, because he had not replaced his ball where it was originally marked, he was putting from the wrong place and needed to hole the putt to avoid a play-off. The Rule that he breached was Rule 20-7c. Decision 20-7c/1 clarifies;

Q. In stroke play, a competitor in replacing his ball on the putting green inadvertently put the ball in a wrong place nearby and holed out. The error was then discovered and the competitor put his ball in the right place and holed out. What is the ruling?
A. The score with the ball played from the wrong place counts and the competitor must add two penalty strokes to that score (Rule 16-1b or 20-3a and 20-7c).

The competitor incurs no penalty for having putted from the right place after holing out from a wrong place.

Note that you do not have to return to where you originally marked your ball in these circumstances. The score from the wrong place counts, including the penalty of two strokes.

Zach Johnson was celebrating his win with his caddie, Damon Green, who had been busily raking the bunker when his player was marking his ball to the side; both of them blissfully unaware of the breach. It appears that it might have been Peter Kostis, the on-course CBS reporter who first brought it to the attention of a Rules Official, who in turn notified the caddie, who broke the news to Johnson. He immediately realised that he had indeed played from the wrong place and had to think twice before realising that he had still won without the need for a play off. He entered the double bogey score of 6 for the hole, before signing his card and returning it to the scorers. The two-stroke penalty dropped Johnson to 12 under for the tournament, just one shot ahead of Dufner.

Ladies:

My tip for all of us finding ourselves in this situation is to put our marker down WRONG SIDE UP ,then when we go to replace our ball we get a visual clue to remind us to span back.
I hope this helps you.
Hilary

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Rules and Kevin Na

Ladies:

If I had won the lottery this week I could not have been more popular. Everyone I saw asked me “How come Keven Na took relief from a cart path and he was STILL standing on it” The TV coverage and explanation was bad but all I could assume is that he was really getting relief from Ground Under Repair/Abnormal Ground Conditions. Finally I found this article which has the scoop on what he was doing.

Now we know, and I am impressed that many of you knew what was right and/ or wrong too.

Hilary

12+05+Kevin+Na+plays+of+path.png

I have not seen the TV coverage of the final round of the Player’s Championship in TPC Sawgrass last Sunday, but I have received several enquiries asking why Kevin Na was permitted to play his ball from off the road on the 18th hole after taking relief. It was suggested that this was a breach of the Rules as he had not taken complete relief, as required by Rule 24-1b

Once again the TV commentators seem to have caused some of this confusion by speculating that he was given the option of taking relief because a curb at the side of the path interfered with his stance. In fact, this was not the case. The walking Rules Official had informed Na that he was entitled to take free relief because his ball was lying in an abnormal ground condition close to the path, apparently caused by recent crowd damage.

He then proceeded according to the Rules, which was to determine the nearest point of relief where there was no interference from the abnormal ground condition and was not nearer the hole, and drop his ball within one club-length of this point, which happened to be on the asphalt path. I understand that Na dropped his ball twice on the path and each time it rolled closer to the hole. He then correctly placed the ball where it had hit the road after the second drop. Because the asphalt path is an immovable obstruction he could then have taken free relief again by determining the nearest point of relief from it, not nearer the hole, and dropping a ball within one club-length of that point. However, he obviously decided that the lie that he had after placing his ball on the road was likely to be better than dropping the ball on the trampled grass at the side of the road. It is not mandatory for players to take relief from immovable obstructions (Rule 24-2b) and he chose not to do so.

Hindsight suggests that he made the right decision as he was able to play a great shot onto the green and made his par with two putts.

‘Tis My Last Day as Captain

(Jan’s farewell poem)

‘Tis my last day as “Captain” and as I look back
I thank my Elves (I mean Officers), the Pros and Great Staff.
The food bags are ready, gifts under the tree
To help out St. Nicholas with gifts for those in need.

The golfers are nestled all snug and well fed
While visions of warm golf days dance in their head.
Our new Captain and club Champion are both on the plane
Headed to Hawaii to escape from the wind and the rain.

Back in the Clubhouse, year-end Awards distributed that fulfill
By Team Play captains, Eclectic, and Tournament Jill.
To reward the women who come on Tuesdays to play
And Team Play ladies that get up early in the morning to drive far away.

The year started great – all Officer positions filled but one
But the Rally for the Cure had yet to find some one.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Cathy Fancey saying she’d volunteer.

Seems her arm was quite twisted by Becky F and Cathy H.
Donna said if no one else was Rally they’d volunteered to take that place.
Oh, no they both cried – we’re sure we never said that!
Maybe drinks with Donna in the bar after Christmas lunch where they sat?

Each Tuesday so early Jill, Cam, and/or Cathy took their place
At the sign-in table with backup from Frances just in case.
Play Days were fun, games creative and new
Well managed and well-run and prizes awarded where due.

Board members and Chairpersons went straight to their roles,
Gay took lots of minutes, Joanne filled the membership goals.
Some like Cathy Eclectic and Open Days Sue spoke not a word.
They just did their jobs perfectly – they were just superb.

Cathy Houston managed the budget whether in person or on cell phone.
Listening to lengthy Board Meetings we “rarely” heard her groan.
Brenda sent out love and sunshine when our sisters were ill.
Janet our Historian took pictures, cheered us on, wished us well.

Hilary the Rules Queen started sending out emails.
Both clear “Rules Quizzes” and cute whimsical tales.
She was our WGANC Ambassador and we really should mention
She rose up from WGANC Rules Committee to a Director position!

Dana was always on top of her Handicap work.
Distributed GHIN reports like clockwork and didn’t let scorers shirk.
Sonja managed Hole-in-One Insurance, ready to pay out.
Plus volunteered to help with Team Play when others were out.

On Raquel, On Bonnie, On Becky and Annette.
Team Play’s lots of hard work and effort, you bet!
To the top of team charts! to the top of the wall!


Now dash away! dash away! Team Play ended in the fall!”



As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
The Board and the Officers worked hard to observe
The requests and the needs of the ladies we serve.

The Invitational was marvelous, thanks to Diane and Beckie too.
Rally went seamlessly, thanks to Cathy Fancey too.
Donna, our Parliamentarian was always there, such a dear
To provide endless support, sage advice and friendship throughout the year.

And to my wonderful Co-Captain Frances, although she’s not here
I’m sure she’s thinking about us and shedding a tear .
She’ll be a great Captain – smart and hard working, I know
And she’s already sworn in – a few weeks ago.

So with a final bang of this gavel, off I will go.

Thank you everyone for your support, friendship, and help.

Merry Christmas to All, And to All a Good 2012.

24 Laws of Golf (by Hilary)

24 Laws of Golf —

LAW 1:
No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2:
Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3:
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.

LAW 4:
Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5:
The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 6:
A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent — or some similar combination.

LAW 7:
All 3-woods are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not come close.

LAW 8:
Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3.

LAW 9:
The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 10:
Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 11:
All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until sunset.

LAW 12:
Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.

LAW 13:
If it isn’t broke, try changing your grip.

LAW 14:
It’s surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you’re lying 8.

LAW 15:
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

LAW 16:
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

LAW 17:
It’s not a gimme if you’re still 4 feet away.

LAW 18:
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

LAW 19:
You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

LAW 20:
Every Time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

LAW 21:
If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water hazard.

LAW 22:
There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

LAW 23:
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

And finally,

LAW 24:
Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.

For the “New Grammies” (Frances)

In honor of all the “new Grammies,” a joke about child birth:

Fred, an obstetrician, and James, a recent first-time father, hand been golfing buddies for years, but James was furious about a bill he had just received from Fred.

“How can you charge $200 for use of the delivery room when you know good and well that Alice delivered the baby on the front lawn of the hospital?” James ranted.

“You’re right,” said Fred as he took the bill from James. He scratched out the words “Delivery Room Fee” and wrote in “Greens Fee.”


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