Category: Humor

For the “New Grammies” (Frances)

In honor of all the “new Grammies,” a joke about child birth:

Fred, an obstetrician, and James, a recent first-time father, hand been golfing buddies for years, but James was furious about a bill he had just received from Fred.

“How can you charge $200 for use of the delivery room when you know good and well that Alice delivered the baby on the front lawn of the hospital?” James ranted.

“You’re right,” said Fred as he took the bill from James. He scratched out the words “Delivery Room Fee” and wrote in “Greens Fee.”

The stranded Irishman (courtesy of Diane Sevim)

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, "It’s certainly not a ship".

As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.

Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?"

"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.

He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long
drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the castaway, "that is so good! I’d almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"

"And how long has it been since you’ve had a drop of good Bushmill’s Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."

Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. " ‘Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. " ‘Tis truly fantastic!!!"

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there too!

First a story (Truth or fiction, you be the judge!) (Frances)

Starting the Mr. & Mrs. Discovery Bay Tournament, a player drove straight down the 1st fairway. Taking over, his wife sliced the ball 100 yards into the rough. The husband gritted his teeth and made a magnificent recovery right onto the green. The wife blasted her putt past the pin into a deep trap. Delicately, the man lifted the ball back to the green, where it rolled into the cup.

He turned to his wife. “We’ll have to do a bit better than that from now on, dear. The hole was a bogey five.”

“Don’t give me a hard time,” she snapped, “only two of those strokes were mine.”